I have to be out of the apartment by the end of the month (unless I get a job and pay rent, which I won’t. Pay the rent I mean. Or get a job for that matter... I will remain free). I just bought a book on campground survival and it gives lots of useful advice on how to dumpster dive, slit open pop-up tents, pop locks on coolers, and even make traps for squirrels, etc.
Oh man, I can almost taste them now!
I am probably going to move what's left of the van over to my friends property, bring my jumper cables and live off the land. I’ll make money from my blog about it, just enough to pay the billz and gazz. For once I’ll be able to squat through life on my own terms. I’m so excited!
I’ve been up all night planning and reading and studying a lot about Straddle Trench Latrines. This weekend I’m going to do a “trial run” of living off the land. My rules are simple:
1) NO food from the store
2) ONLY natural lubricants
3) NO water from the tap or bottles
4) ONLY natural organic recycled toilet paper
You can’t starve in one weekend, so this will be a good experience to see how it goes, even if I don’t manage to find any food. I’m really excited to create some output from this test.
yesssss!! YES!
I have a favorite technique for trapping squirrels myself, Casey.
ReplyDeleteI chase their skinny asses down, tree 'em, and then I GO FOR THE THROAT!!!!!!
[insert Howard Dean melt down audio here]
YEEEEEEEEE --- AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!
no food = no output
ReplyDeleteBad news from Sacramento. During his weekend of roughing it in the wilderness, Casey gathered things for sustenance he thought were edible plants and wildlife. He is in guarded condition tonight in a Sacramento hospital after tragically choking on a beer can.
ReplyDeleteWhile researching survival techniques before setting out, he apparently overlooked one of the most important rules: bring plenty of ketchup and pepper, because you can eat anything if you put enough ketchup and pepper on it. Doctors say the ungarnished beer can posed a severe health risk, and his survival is questionable.
His life in general was pretty questionable so this fits right in, according to family sources that requested anonymity.
Anna: "Is there any sign of Casey??"
ReplyDeletePark Ranger: "Your son appears to be traveling with a bear -- either as a hostage or as, what we call, a 'forest bride'..."
It's a Simpsons reference. :-p
I hope you are only eating the 100% organic vegan squirrels Casey. The other squirrels have drugs injected into them by the .gov for mind control. Plus their meat is covered in feces. Make sure you put little tin foil hats on them before you cook them and make sure to cover them liberally with a thick coat of grade A maple syrup.
ReplyDeleteDee-Rishousss! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteCasey is going to be the next King of Pop...as in the King of Pop is going to now lick your lollypop.
ReplyDelete